Invincible
by Kal-El Fornia
Summary: After going to see Anders at his clinic about one of the diseases she is prone to catch, Isabela receives startling news.


In the upcoming Inquisition I can't wait to finally create a Qunari protagonist.

Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware and its EA overlords.

* * *

Isabela was bored as she waited for Anders to return with her test results, a bit anxious to see said results, but mostly bored nonetheless. She was sitting in one of the backrooms of Anders' clinic since the mage had suggested that privacy was probably best for the conversation the two of them needed to have, and Isabela had shrugged it off and agreed to just go where he sent her. She was a busy gal though, because she had quite the full day ahead of her. Lot's of bandits to kill, and people to bang.

Out of boredom she resorted to imagining all the different escape attempts that Anders had made over the years from the Circle, most of them involving dwarves in drag and Anders using his famous electric fingers and boyish good looks to get himself out of a jam. In one scenario she even got creative and had Anders seduce a Templar into helping him escape, and since she thought it was funny, the Templar that Isabela had imagined doing so was Knight-Captain Cullen since she was pretty sure the dude was from the Ferelden Circle just like good ol' Anders.

It wasn't until the part where Andraste herself descended down to the mage from the Maker's side, and when the both of them had proceeded to do it, that Isabela realized that the rebel Warden finally made his way back into the room. "So, Anders buddy, what's the prognosis this time?"

"I'm not sure how to tell you this," a solemn looking Anders said simply, sitting down quietly in the chair opposite of the pirate captain.

Isabela only smirked and quirked an eyebrow, figuring that this had to be good. "Yeah?"

"What you have is beyond any healer's skill," the mage replied honestly, feeling it best to perhaps just get all the ugliness over with.

Frowning, Isabela conceded to herself that this Anders was definitely different than all the other Anders' that she imagined making daring escapes from the Templars. She had pictured a deadpan snarker traveling with a ragtag bunch of misfits he met on his travels who had all been charmed by him into helping him evade the Templars. Also in his Warden days she had painted an image of him being charming and snarky as ever as he fought at the side of equally charming and snarky Wardens that had all been personally recruited by the Hero of Ferelden himself. She couldn't help but frown at thinking that this Kirkwall Anders was a lot less funny.

Immediately she tossed Anders a bag full of sovereigns. "I think I know what you're getting at, Warden." she finally said as she thought of all the different versions of Anders. Maybe one that was perhaps less broody than the one in front of her.

"This isn't about money, Isabela." Anders made sure to stress as he handed back the money, "According to your test results you currently have a few venereal diseases."

She shrugged since being diseased wasn't anything new. "Which ones?"

Anders had hoped for a chance to be more sensitive about how he broke the news to Isabela, but instead just sighed since he knew that there would never be a 'good' time to let her know about this particular situation. "...all of them."

Well, this was new to her. "Excuse me?"

"Every sexually transmitted disease known to man, elf, or dwarf? Yeah, you currently have them. You should probably give any current or former lovers a heads up about that."

Isabela was silent for a moment, letting it all just sink in. To be honest, it made a bit of sense now that she thought of it.

"I think I know what you mean," she finally admitted after a minute or two of nothing.

"I'm so sorry, Isabela."

"Sorry for what? I'm invincible!"

Anders opened his mouth but couldn't say anything for a moment, a bit stunned at Isabela's attitude considering the drama bomb that he had just dropped in her lap. After he realized that he needed to speak, he simply shook his head for a moment to get himself back to the real world. "Come again?"

Isabela was only happy to explain. "Even though I have every disease that comes with old Anora-"

"Anora?" Anders interrupted, confused.

Isabela pointed her finger downward to her crotch area. "That's what I named the old girl."

"Gross."

"Anyways," she continued, "even though I have every disease that Anora can get, I feel pretty damn great. Other than the occasional itching or wart I feel fantastic! So, I figure that what you're trying to tell me is that I'm invincible."

Anders stared on, horrified that this was what Isabela had gotten from his diagnosis of her. He expected this kind of insanity from Merrill, or even Hawke who willingly dealt with blood mages and had more than once decided to hear a demon out, but he had always thought that Isabela was much sharper than that. Much much much much much much much much more promiscuous of course, but still sharp.

"No, Maker no! What I'm trying to say is that it's a miracle that you're even still alive," Anders frantically tried to explain, "the slightest breath could kill you!"

Isabela only waved off the warning as she stood up and began to walk out of the room. "Thanks, Warden! If you find a way to cure me or whatever, just let me know!"

He was about to say something to stop her on her way out, but in the end only sighed as he felt that there wasn't even any use in trying anymore. Knowing Isabela though, by the end of the night there were going to be eight new patients who all had each mysteriously caught one of the diseases that Isabela walked around with. However, he thought it best to just give up and let the matter go to rest for the day, and when he stood up he stared at the chair that Isabela had been sitting in and wondered what to do with it. Figuring it was better to be safe than sorry, he used his magic and set the chair on fire.

* * *

I love Isabela. I find her charmingly snarky and hilarious, quite the looker as well, but I'm always afraid to romance her since I'm always afraid that Hawke will catch something from her. Thus, I wrote this up.


End file.
